Saturday, August 04, 2012

The guy that called Rush Limbaugh about Obama's bad grades at Harvard...let me tell you what he told me about Romney's taxes

As luck would have it, the same person who called Rush Limbaugh to divulge damaging information about President Obama's poor performance at Harvard also called me to report on the fiasco that is Mitt Romney's taxes.  To give this person a name while protecting his identity, let's call him "Deep Throat".  (Please don't take that out of context...although Jenna Jamieson does support Mitt for President, it was not her.)

Briefly the explanation told to me supports the claim made by Senator Reid that Romney paid no taxes for a decade.

"He (Mitt) used every tax loophole in the book and stretched so-called "business" expenses for personal property like his houses, his horses, his boats and his castle moats.  He found new interpretations of the  legalese surrounding tax law.", reported Deep Throat. 

When I asked if there was anything specific he could tell us, Deep Throat gave a litany of tax avoidance schemes for many of the ten years in question.  Here it is as it was explained to me.

Year 2000:
Romney used the millennium bug threat as a business expense to reduce his tax burden by $1,000,000. He used his house (really his castle) in Utah as a business expense, deducting $54,000 from his tax burden while he lived there during the Olympics.  He also claimed his 1999 income tax payment as a bad investment.

Year 2001 through 2007:
Romney had his accountants place all of his capital gains into offshore accounts prior to paying taxes on them.  Romney explained that it was not a violation of Federal law because he firmly believed that America was literally a land of untold wealth.  Trips to Switzerland were written off as business trips since he had sheltered money there.

Year 2008:
Mitt claimed his failed 2008 political career as a business deduction since he had invested $15,000,000 of his own money into it.  He claimed the campaign was intended to benefit Corporate America so he felt justified in claiming it as a business expense.  Pleasure trips to Grand Cayman were written off as  business expenses since he had off-shore account money there.  

Year 2009:
Mitt claimed his wife's hobby horse as a $74,000 business expense.  The offshore accounts were still actively being invested into and yes he still took deductions for (business) trips to visit his money.

I asked Deep Throat what happened in 2010 that caused Mitt to actually pay income tax that year?

And I quote, "Well, in 2010 Romney was planning to run for President.  He figured he could repeat the ploy he used when running for Governor of Massachusetts to avoid making his taxes public, but he knew he would have to show something to the public to get by.  It was a calculated risk that may have back-fired."

I asked if Mitt Romney had any feelings of guilt since not paying his fair share of taxes placed more of a  burden on the rest of America.

"Perhaps." said Deep Throat.  "But I think it was more likely because he was afraid he'd get caught.  It may explain the note he filed with his 2010 tax returns  though."

What note? I asked.

The note he attached to his return said "I am enclosing 13% because I am having a hard time sleeping lately.  If I find I can still not sleep after this, I will send you the balance of what I really owe."

Well how about that!


LiberallyIndependent said...

Hahaha. That was awesome..and quite possibly true. Imagine that? Imagine this political satire that, at first, starts off facetious - but in a couple months from now we look back on it and say to ourselves, "whoa, remember that cross speak blog we read a while back? It turns out that guy wasn't far off! We should see if he has a Powerball blog. Incredible"

Stella LaMonte said...

Powerball blog? I'm so in.

Stella LaMonte said...

Oh wow. This was such a fun read! What's truly tragic is that I could actually hear R-money make these claims.

"He also claimed his 1999 income tax payment as a bad investment."

"Romney explained that it was not a violation of Federal law because he firmly believed that America was literally a land of untold wealth."

This is truly an internet gem.

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